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While We're Away

One of the things discussed in this weeks podcast was insecure attachment. If you've ever taken a child development class, you might remember the 4 styles of attachment. If you're forgetful like me or chose some other electives instead, here they are:

Secure Attachment Style

If a child can rely on parents and caregivers to consistently meet their needs in their early years, they are likely to develop a secure attachment. 


  • ability to regulate your emotions
  • easily trusting others
  • effective communication skills
  • ability to seek emotional support
  • comfortable with being alone
  • comfortable in close relationships
  • ability to self-reflect in partnerships
  • being easy to connect with
  • ability to manage conflict well
  • high self-esteem
  • ability to be emotionally available

Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant, dismissive-avoidant, or anxious-avoidant are all words for the same insecure attachment style. It is defined by failures to build long-term relationships with others due to an inability to engage in physical and emotional intimacy. 


  • persistently avoid emotional or physical intimacy
  • feel a strong sense of independence
  • are uncomfortable expressing your feelings
  • are dismissive of others
  • have a hard time trusting people
  • feel threatened by anyone who tries to get close to you
  • spend more time alone than interacting with others
  • believe you don’t need others in your life
  • “commitment issues“

Ambivalent / Ambivalent-Anxious Attachment

This attachment style stems from inconsistent parenting that doesn't prioritize a child’s needs. These children might have difficulty understanding their caregivers and have no idea of what to expect from them each day. Children are often confused by their parental relationships. 


  • clingy tendencies
  • highly sensitive to criticism (real or perceived)
  • needing approval from others
  • jealous tendencies
  • difficulty being alone
  • low self-esteem
  • feeling unworthy of love
  • intense fear of rejection
  • significant fear of abandonment
  • difficulty trusting others

Anxious-Disorganized / Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Anxious-disorganized attachment is categorized as having extremely inconsistent behavior and difficulty trusting other people. Common causes of disorganized attachment are childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse. Fear of their parents and no sense of safety is also present.


  • fear of rejection
  • inability to regulate emotions
  • contradictory behaviors
  • high levels of anxiety
  • difficulty trusting others
  • signs of both avoidant and anxious attachment styles

 For more information, check here and here